As a caregiver, it is normal sometimes to feel angry and frustrated. The stress of caregiving can feel overwhelming, especially when your role is not acknowledged or appreciated. In addition, you may be grieving the loss of the person you knew. Do not chastise yourself for feeling guilty when you have high frustration. You are human, and nobody can seamlessly balance all aspects of their life: family, relationships, work, caregiving, and commitments.
The things we always hear as caregivers, e.g., take care of yourself, arrange respite care, talk to a counselor, always apply. Here are other helpful tips:
Forgive yourself: Practicing self-compassion is one of the most important things you can do as a caregiver. It is okay to feel angry sometimes, and it does not make you an inadequate caregiver. Remind yourself of all the times when you were compassionate and patient. Allow yourself to have moments of imperfection.
You ARE making a difference: Recognize that you are making a difference even when it does not feel that way. Consider what the alternative caregiver options for your loved one are and how significant your role is.
Consider why you are angry: Why is your loved one doing things that make you angry? Their behavior may have nothing to do with you. It could be an uncontrollable medical condition, poor memory, or a reaction to medication. Maybe they can’t help asking you the same thing repeatedly. Your response may change by understanding the reasons for their behavior. In addition, your anger may have little to do with the loved one you care for. It might be due to problems in other areas of your life or feeling overworked. Identifying the source of your anger will improve your chances of resolving the anger.
Remember, memory is short: Don’t spend time getting upset about things you cannot control. Sometimes, the person with aphasia may have no memory of the fight you had, even if it was a couple of hours ago. The only thing you can control in this situation is your reaction and your attitude. Learn from your loved one and just let it go.
Journal Your Feelings: Writing in a journal is a great way to release anger healthily without sharing it with someone. Write down what happened and how it made you feel, even if it is negative. Get it all out. Writing down your innermost thoughts can be empowering.
Release your anger healthily. Exercise can release tension, whether a quick release or a complete workout. Try something physical like punching a pillow, yoga, or walking. Endorphins can help you to overcome those angry feelings.
Count to ten: Counting to ten is a commonly recommended anger management strategy because it works. Taking those 10 seconds can give you extra time to decide how to manage the situation. Feel free to repeat the count to ten as many times as needed. Adding slow, deep breaths will also help to calm your body.
Have fun: Choose things that are meaningful to both of you. An impromptu dance in the living room can help to calm the atmosphere. Music can soothe everyone. Looking at and discussing photos can remind you both of a fun time. Watch your favorite movie together.
Find people who get it: After a hard caregiving day, wanting and needing to vent is normal. Your family can seem like an obvious choice because they are available. This may not be a good idea. A good friend who can listen objectively is a better alternative. A caregiver’s support group can help you find your support system without burdening loved ones. The Aphasia Community Center offers access to two different support groups, the Suncoast Aphasia Support Group, and the online Co-survivor Support Group.
If you are experiencing anger as a caregiver, you are not alone. This is part of what makes us human and reminds us that our experiences can be complex. Reducing anger will help to improve your state of mind. This makes you a better caregiver and makes life more rewarding.
